Writer’s Voice Contest Edition! (Entry #184)
Hi readers!
I’m entering a contest that asks me to post my query letter and first 250 words of my young adult novel, HANNAH’S HALF. The contest is based on the premise of the TV show, “The Voice.” Four fabulous YA authors will pick their teams, “coach” them (help make the entries all sparkly) and then pitch to agents. What an amazing community of writers! 200 writers made the cut — best of luck to everyone!
Mandy
QUERY
18-year-old Hannah Spencer would give anything for a dead-free day. For most of her life, she’s ignored the Visitors who appear in her bedroom each morning. After all, they’re dead, they don’t speak and they rarely stay more than a few minutes.
Her communications with the deceased are pretty one-sided until Adam, a recent casualty in a car accident, appears and demands her help to move on to the afterlife. Troubled by her intense attraction to him, Hannah uncovers the truth about their connection: Adam is her twin flame — the other half of her soul— and the two have spent a number of lifetimes together, each one ending in Hannah’s untimely death.
Unable to ignore their bond, Hannah and Adam rekindle their ages-old romance. However, when she links this mysterious ghost to the disappearance of his sister and the terrifying recurring dreams she’s been having, she must decide if helping him is worth risking her life … again.
Hannah’s Half is a young adult paranormal mystery, complete at 62,000 words. I hope you find the premise intriguing enough to request a partial or full manuscript.
FIRST 250 WORDS
“You got a name, kid?”
The boy sitting on my bedroom floor couldn’t have been more than four or five years old. The cowlick in the back of his blond hair needed taming. As he sat cross-legged, holding a half-inflated red balloon, I noticed that the bottoms of his bare feet were dirty.
I rarely asked questions anymore because the Visitors never speak. I mean never. I’ve been seeing dead people for as long as I can remember and it’s always the same routine. Stare with haunted eyes, linger in the room, disappear.
“The silent treatment again. How original.” I sighed and pushed back my comforter. I’d gotten over being shy in front of the dead a long time ago. If they were going to invade my space, then they’d have to deal with seeing me in my panties.
As I rummaged through my dresser to find a pair of jeans, the sweet, burned smell of kettle corn filled my nose and carnival music played in my head. In strobe-like flashes, I saw the little boy walking hand in hand with a girl about his height. She handed him a cardboard cone wrapped with mounds of pink cotton candy.
I shook my throbbing head as if that could make the images disappear. Unless the Visitors suddenly decided to tell me why my room was a ghost magnet, I vowed to ignore them.
God, I’d give just about anything to have a dead-free day.
I want to read more right now! I especially like the last line: “God, I’d give just about anything to have a dead-free day.” Awesome.
YA isn’t my thing but this sounds pretty darn good. I understand why agents have been requesting more.
Thanks for the comments on my excerpt on MSFV. I’m always happy to get comments from a fellow Colorado native.
The query really drew me in. It’s not often you see someone wrestle with risking their life…again! I also like the voice of the protagonist. Her acceptance of the visitors coupled with her frustration dealing with them gives her depth. The clincher is the last line and wishing for a dead-free day. More please!
Great voice, cool premise – this one’s a goer.
Good luck
Jacky {#130)
xxx
I like this premise and the struggle between love and finding answers. The title is great! 🙂 Good Luck!!
~Tosha #132
I really love this. Voice drew me right in. Great job.
J.Ro #195
Love it! The opening is very compelling and definitely makes me want to read more. We have to talk about that “p” word in the fourth paragraph though 🙂
Good luck – I hope you make it!
Ooh, I’m really hooked already. Love the concept and the first page has life. Good luck, hope this goes on.
#120 Laurie Muench
Good luck in the contest!
Cool! Like the way they’re linked through time! Great first page! Brandi #199
Nice query and first 250 words. Good luck in the contest.
~Rachel, #190
I like the idea of your character finding the other half of her soul. This sounds like a great idea. Good luck in the contest!
Cool premise! Best of luck with the contest! 🙂
I love ghost stories, and this one is really intriguing! I like how nonchalant she is about the dead people. Best of luck with this!
I liked the pacing and voice here a lot!
Good luck in the contest!
Summer – #40
I love how all the authors in the contest are reading each others’ entries and shouting out support! What an amazing group of women.
this is so good! i was hooked just on your query, but the first page grabbed me hard! great work and good luck! ferris #175
I love your set-up, and the twist about Hannah and Adam’s connection in the second paragraph! Your 250 is great too – it tells us so much about Hannah and what she can do. Good luck!
I think I remember this from an MSFV contest, maybe – I’d never forget that totally wicked voice in the excerpt. It’s a great opening.
Hi Durango Writer. I’m stopping by from the Writer’s Voice contest (entry #58) to wish you the best of luck. I’m now also your newest follower, so: nice to meet you!
Great query! Good luck from #70!
18-year-old Hannah Spencer would give anything for a dead-free day. For most of her life, she’s ignored the visitors who appear in her bedroom each morning. After all, they’re dead, they don’t speak, and they rarely stay more than a few minutes.
Her communications with the deceased are pretty one-sided until Adam, a recent casualty in a car accident, appears and demands her help to move on to the afterlife. Troubled by her intense attraction to him, Hannah uncovers the truth about their connection: Adam is her twin flame — the other half of her soul— and they have spent a number of lifetimes together, each one ending in Hannah’s untimely death.
Unable to ignore their bond, Hannah and Adam rekindle their ages-old romance. However, when she links this mysterious ghost (Who, Adam? Or a different ghost?) to the disappearance of his sister and the terrifying recurring dreams she’s been having, she must decide if helping him is worth risking her life … again.
Hannah’s Half is a young adult paranormal mystery, complete at 62,000 words.
The first 250 is perfect the way it is, I don’t see a thing I’d change. 😀 I like the voice in it.
Good luck, hope this helps!
Cool premise! Good luck!
~Nicole, entry 68
LOVE. Intriguing premise, great voice, snappy pace – sounds like Twilight but without the 1950’s lack of feminism (ha). Go, Mandy!
Oo, I love paranormal. 🙂 Best of luck!
Really quick start – great premise and nice first 250, you are going places. Good luck from the nearly beast numbered…
Just wanted to let you know that your entry was on my short short list. I LOVED the voice in your first page, and to be honest, I was this close to picking you for my team. I just had a hard time wrapping my brain around that third query paragraph; I didn’t really understand what was at stake/how Hannah might die (again). Also, I worried that ghosts might be going the way of the vampire, that the agents might be a little tired of them.
Best of luck to you and HANNAH’S HALF!